thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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