You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
