Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
