bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
