You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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