Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
