He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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