We won't sleep together?
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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