I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
