I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
