Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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