Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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