If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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