glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
