am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
