Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize