After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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