Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I could make wine with my vomit
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
