RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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