No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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