just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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