What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I FOUND THE LEGS
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize