ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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