im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
