my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Hippo gnu deer
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
