Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
