So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
