I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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