Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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