In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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