R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
