You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
someone owes me an orgasm
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
