The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
