if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
