i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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