Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize