He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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