Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
