I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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