kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
