they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
