? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
