Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
