i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
