I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize