So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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