bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
