i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
