I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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