I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
