Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
