Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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