I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
