hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
