Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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