you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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