I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
