I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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