So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
