Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
