He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
