They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
