I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
