It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
