3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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