2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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