He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
