i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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