dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
