remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
