Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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