I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
