She's JV to your varsity
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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