So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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