btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
