i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
