So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Every concussion has its silver lining
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He? As in you personified your dick?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
