Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Randomize
