I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize