You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
