Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
