hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
