I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
