It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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