I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
