In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Never underestimate the power of titties
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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