we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
