i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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