But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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