it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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