Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
