my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
