we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
