apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
