This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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