I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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