At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
